Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
