I'm pants shitting drunk right now
everyone is single if you try hard enough
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
ttyl tear gas
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
