a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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