True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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