It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
