hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
