Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
