the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
