Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
