A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
