She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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