it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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