Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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