You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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