She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
