saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
