walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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