Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
