I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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