I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
