Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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