yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
