What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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