Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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