She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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