Jerry, you need to find god
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
