Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
