It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
