i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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