u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
