Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
