that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
