I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
