shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
