mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
