when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
