i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
