i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
