The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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