She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
