sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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