with your own penis?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
