Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
