Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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