You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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