We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
