I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
