i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
