Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize