its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
