I molested 6 butterflies tonight
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
