Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
