everyone is single if you try hard enough
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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