When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
