I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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