cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
