i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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