Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
