Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
