my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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