Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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